The Parable of the Chaco Tacos

Matthew 25 (New Academy Version)

Again it will be like a firstie leaving the lunch table to go to the staff tower,
Who called his four degrees to attention and entrusted the dessert tray to them.
To the hot pilot he gave five choco tacos,
To the cold pilot two choco tacos,
And to the loadmaster one choco taco,
Each according to his ability.

Then he went to make his staff tower announcement.
The hot pilot who had received the five choco tacos went at once to another table to report in and gained five more.

So also, the cold pilot with the two choco tacos gained two more from Willie,
The nice Mitchell Hall guy.

But the loadmaster who had received the one choco taco went off to the East doors of Mitchell Hall,
Found his backpack, and hid his table commandant’s choco taco.

After being tapped off the staff tower,
The table commandant of those four degrees returned and settled accounts with them.

The hot pilot who had received the five choco tacos brought the other five.
“Cadet Major John A Doe, sir, Cadet Fourth Class Smith reports as ordered,
Sir may I make a statement”
He said, “you entrusted me with five choco tacos.
See, I have gained five more.”
His table commandant replied, “Well done, good and faithful doolie!
You have been faithful with a Mitchell Hall dessert;
I will put you in charge of the squadron tailgate party.
Come and get your SSS signed to go on the ski club trip this weekend!”

The cold pilot with the two choco tacos also came to attention. “Cadet Doe,” he said, “you entrusted me with two choco tacos;
See, I have gained two more.”
His table commandant replied, “Well done, good and faithful four dig!
You have been faithful with a few hundred calories;
I will put you in charge of next week’s gallon challenge.
Come and get comforter privileges!”

Then the loadmaster who had received the one choco taco came to attention.
“Sir,” he said, “I knew that you are a stract man,
Wearing shirt garters when you are not in blues
And pulling your chin strap down when there is no wind.
So I was afraid and went and hid your choco taco in my backpack.
See, here is what belongs to you.”

His table commandant replied, “You weak and lazy frosh!
So you knew that I wear shirt garters when I am not in blues
And I pull my chin strap down when there is no wind?
Well then, you should have put my choco taco in the ice bucket
So that when I returned I would have received it back chilled.
Take the choco taco from him and give it to the one who has ten choco tacos.
For everyone who has will be given more, and he will have an abundance.
Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him.

And throw that worthless SMACK outside,
Onto the strips,
Where there will be greeting and pulling of chins.”