15 September 2008

Pain Is Weakness Leaving the Body

I'm pretty sure I injured myself with a balloon.
That's right,
A balloon.
I was helping out with the kids at church,
And decided it'd be a good time for balloon art.
Except for the fact that I didn't have my pump.
No problem, right?
I'll just blow them up myself.
I know they're long skinny balloons,
but it'll work out, Right?
I pushed so hard with my lungs,
I heard the left joint in my jaw start tearing.
not cool.
So I finish off one balloon and move on to something else.
It hurt a little,
But eh,
It's just pain, right?
I'll get over it.
Wrong again.
I tried to eat a banana this morning,
And that joint is now on fire.

That's right folks,
I hurt myself on a balloon.

12 September 2008

All Your LHC Are Belong To Us

Ladies and Gentleman,
The word is out.
Osama Bin Laden is no longer trying to obtain access to Weapons of Mass Destruction (WMD),
Such as nukes and warfare agents,
He is trying to access Weapons of Total Annihilation(WTA).
That's right,
Osama and his Henchmen are trying to take over the CERN Particle Accelerator.
Terrorists are trying to hack into the LHC and intentionally create a micro black hole that will send all of humanity to allah's doorstep wear the infidels will be judged accordingly.


That was only half true.
And the previous statement was also only half true.
Which makes the above story about %25 true.
And if you divide that by Pi squared,
That's about how much actually happened.

A group called "Greek Security Team" did it.
That's right, Greek.
Like Sparta.
CERN scientists suspect rival teams from other particle accelerators.
apparently, GST was only one level of networking away from the actually computer that controls the 17 mile proton smasher.
CERN says this whole thing is a "scary experience"
I tend to agree.
While I highly doubt that machine will create a black hole,
It will pump out substantial amounts off radiation.
And if not controlled properly,
The people that live above it could get cooked.
(Yes, there are residential areas above the LHC)

The GST timed their attack to go just as CERN powered up their 424.3 million Dollar behemoth.
They left several files on CERNs computers,
But only alter one original.
Damage appears to be minimal.
They also defaced CERN web page.
I would have put something a bit different.

Gates and Seinfeld

In case you have heard...
Bill Gates and Jerry Seinfeld are teaming up to combat the Mac adds staring PC and Mac.
(Which in my opinion are funny)
Bill and Jerry are trying to show that Windows Vista is in fact usable.
So far,
All they've shown is that Bill can't dance.
Big Surprise there...

For those of you that missed it,
Here's a link to their first add.

Add 2

11 September 2008

We Will Never Forget

We Will Never Forget

We will always remember the the victims of 9-11 and their families.

To the ones that were are responsible,
We will always remember you too.
But for other reasons.

Taliban Bodies

10 September 2008

Homosapian Parasite Transformation

I'm convinced,
Welfare is making society stupid.
If people would take the energy they invest in getting something for free,
And use it in a more traditional productive way,
Maybe America's average IQ wouldn't be 98.

Take this person for example,
Instead of buying gas,
Or even bumming rides from friends,
This rather creative individual has made a device that will allow himself to use suction cups to literally "hitch" a ride on a random vehicle.
This person obviously does not spend much time on the roads himself.
Even if this is just designed for local traveling,
I wouldn't trust my life to a total stranger like that.

And safety concerns aside,
I'm self conscious enough without wearing an article of apperal that makes me look like the space shuttle.

CERN's LHC Particle Accelerator

They turned it on today.
And we're all still here.
That's ok though,
They're still not at full power,
And they didn't even collide the particles.
They just turned on the beam.
When they do start colliding protons,
They still might make that black hole that will kill us all.

But until then,
Here's a copy of the first image they've generated for you to enjoy.

08 September 2008

The CERN Particle Accelerator

As I'm sure most of you have heard,
CERN is scheduled to start powering up that shiny new particle accelerator on 10-SEP-2008.
As I'm sure you've also heard,
There is a teeny Tiny percentage of a chance that it'll create a micro black hole.
The scientists assure us that if that were to happen,
according to Hawkins theories,
It would evaporate nearly instantaneously.
So there's absolutely nothing to worry about.
Except for the fact that all that is based on an unproven and unobserved theory.
Here's a preview of what's going to happen on Wednesday


BTW: I don't actually believe that,
I already know how the world is going to end,
That's right,
I cheated,
I read the last chapter of the book.