Some people have WAY too much time on their hands.
Link

A "How To" Not Give a Presentation

Wow...

I find the following rather humorous.
I hope you do too.

BUSH'S RESIGNATION SPEECH

The following 'speech' was written recently by an ordinary resident of the People's Republic of Maine. While satirical in nature, all satire must have a basis in fact to be effective. This is an excellent piece by a person who does not write for a living.

The speech George W. Bush might [should] give:

Normally, I start these things out by saying 'My Fellow Americans.' Not doing it this time. If the polls are any indication, I don't know who more than half of you are anymore. I do know something terrible has happened, and that you're really not fellow Americans any longer.
I'll cut right to the chase here: I quit. Now before anyone gets all in a lather about me quitting to avoid impeachment, or to avoid prosecution or something, let me assure you: There's been no breaking of laws or impeachable offenses in this office.

The reason I'm quitting is simple. I'm fed up with you people. I'm fed up because you have no understanding of what's really going on in the world. Or of what's going on in this once-great nation of ours. And the majority of you are too damned lazy to do your homework and figure it out.
Let's start local. You've been sold a bill of goods by politicians and the news media.

Meanwhile, all you can do is whine about gas prices, and most of you are too damn stupid to realize that gas prices are high because there's increased demand in other parts of the world, and because a small handful of noisy idiots are more worried about polar bears and beachfront property than your economic security.

We face real threats in the world. Don't give me this 'blood for oil' thing. If I were trading blood for oil I would've already seized Iraq's oil fields and let the rest of the country go to hell. And don't give me this 'Bush Lied...People Died' crap either. If I were the liar you morons take me for, I could've easily had chemical weapons planted in Iraq so they could be 'discovered.' Instead, I owned up to the fact that the intelligence was faulty.

me remind you that the rest of the world thought Saddam had the goods, same as me. Let me also remind you that regime change in Iraq was official US policy before I came into office. Some guy named ' Clinton ' established that policy. Bet you didn't know that, did you?
Now some of you morons want to be led by a junior senator with no understanding of foreign policy or economics, and this nitwit says we should attack Pakistan , a nuclear ally. And then he wants to go to Iran and make peace with a terrorist who says he's going to destroy us. While he's doing that, he wants to give Iraq to al Qaeda, Afghanistan to the Taliban, Israel to the Palestinians, and your money to the IRS so the government can give welfare to illegal aliens, who he will make into citizens, so they can vote to re-elect him. He also thinks it's okay for Iran to have nuclear weapons, and we should stop our foreign aid to Israel.&nb sp;Did you sleep through high school?

You idiots need to understand that we face a unique enemy. Back during the cold war, there were two major competing political and economic models squaring off. We won that war, but we did so because fundamentally, the Communists wanted to survive, just as we do. We were simply able to out spend and out-tech them.

That's not the case this time. The soldiers of our new enemy don't care if they survive. In fact, they want to die. That'd be fine, as long as they weren't also committed to taking as many of you with them as they can. But they are. They want to kill you, and the bastards are all over the globe.

You should be grateful that they haven't gotten any more of us here in the United States since September 11. But you're not. That's because you've got no idea how hard a small number of intelligence, military, law enforcement, and homeland security people have worked to make sure of that. When this whole mess started, I warned you that this would be a long and difficult fight. I'm disappointed how many of you people think a long and difficult fight amounts to a single season of 'Survivor.'

Instead, you've grown impatient. You're incapable of seeing things through the long lens of history, the way our enemies do. You think that wars should last a few months, a few years, tops.

Making matters worse, you actively support those who help the enemy. Every time you buy the New York Times, every time you send a donation to a cut-and-run Democrat's political campaign, well, dang it, you might just as well FedEx a grenade launcher to a Jihadist. It amounts to the same thing.

In this day and age, it's easy enough to find the truth. It's all over the Internet. It just isn't on the pages of the New York Times, USA Today, or on NBC News. But even if it were, I doubt you'd be any smarter. Most of you would rather watch American Idol or Dancing with Stars.

I could say more about your expectations that the government will always be there to bail you out, even if you're too stupid to leave a city that's below sea level and has a hurricane approaching.

I could say more about your insane belief that government, not your own wallet, is where the money comes from. But I've come to the conclusion that were I to do so, it would sail right over your heads.

So I quit. I'm going back to Crawford. I've got an energy-efficient house down there (Al Gore could only dream) and the capability to be fully self-sufficient for years. No one ever heard of Crawford before I got elected, and as soon as I'm done here pretty much no one will ever hear of it again. Maybe I'll be lucky enough to die of old age before the last pillars of America fall.

Oh, and by the way, Cheney's quitting too. That means Pelosi is your new President. You asked for it. Watch what she does carefully, because I still have a glimmer of hope that there are just enough of you remaining who are smart enough to turn this thing around in 2012.

So that's it. God bless what's left of America.

Some of you know what I mean. The rest of you, kiss off.

PS - You might want to start learning Farsi, and buy a Koran

I Love Technology

My Prediction of the Future

Ladies and gentlemen,
I have seen the future.
And being one that i particularly interested in the military,
I will focus on that.

The Army will be issued the newest of weapons,
The new M-17 CG.
And in the interest of increasing the global economy and international relations,
Not to mention acquiring the finest in quality,
They will all be manufactured in China.
While they are still on the drawing board,
This is a prototype of our next round of fighter jets.
There are also plans for a bomber version.
We are still looking for ways to make the more economically friendly.
The current model uses too many trees.

Also,
There is talk of a new border policy.
Only few details have been released,
but we do know,
It has been code named Cheese Net.
Also,
We will be replacing the National Anthem.
Link

Give One For the Team

Well...
Mon AM UTA PT was fun today.
We did the usual routine,
But I was really dragging for some reason today.
I wasn't feeling like my usual energetic self.
It was really obvious when we started playing basketball.
For those of you that have seen me play,
You know that I tend to get a tad aggressive.
Not today.
It was really bothering me too.
At first I thought it was the ice cream I ate yesterday.
But then I remembered,
I donated blood yesterday after noon.
That would explain why I felt exhausted.

Note Too Self:
They really mean it when they say no strenuous activity for 24 hours.

AS 300 Study Guide

Since I've had to remove the slides,
I made this study guide.
I hope it helps.

Study Guide

AS 300 Midterm

Since Capt Cook has declined to provide us with the slides he uses in class,
I have decided to use alternate means to acquire them
Sorry,
The list isn't 100% complete,
But it's better than nothing.

Lesson 1: Intro to leadership
Lesson 2: Air Force Leadership
Lesson 3: The Profession of Arms
Lesson 4:
Lesson 5: Assessing Leaders
Lesson 6: Managing Stress
Lesson 7: Sexual Assault Prevention
Lesson 8: Critical Thinking
Lesson 9: Air Force Writing
Lesson 10: Writing Strategies
Lesson 11: The Basics of Briefing
Lesson 12: Team Building
Lesson 13: Problem Solving
Lesson 14: Problem Solving Exercise
Lesson 15: Followership
Lesson 16: Motivation

Hope this helps someone

Capt Cook has requested that I take these down.
Sorry,
Hope you got to these before I had to get rid of them.

AF vs. TCU

In about a month,
22-NOV,
The Air Force Falcons will be coming to Texas to play TCU.
Falcons are 5-2 this season while TCU is 7-1.
Should be an interesting game.
I'll be there.
Guess which side I'll be on.
Be there.

Pain Is Weakness Leaving the Body

I'm pretty sure I injured myself with a balloon.
That's right,
A balloon.
I was helping out with the kids at church,
And decided it'd be a good time for balloon art.
Except for the fact that I didn't have my pump.
No problem, right?
I'll just blow them up myself.
I know they're long skinny balloons,
but it'll work out, Right?
WRONG!!!
I pushed so hard with my lungs,
I heard the left joint in my jaw start tearing.
not cool.
So I finish off one balloon and move on to something else.
It hurt a little,
But eh,
It's just pain, right?
I'll get over it.
Wrong again.
I tried to eat a banana this morning,
And that joint is now on fire.

That's right folks,
I hurt myself on a balloon.

All Your LHC Are Belong To Us

Ladies and Gentleman,
The word is out.
Osama Bin Laden is no longer trying to obtain access to Weapons of Mass Destruction (WMD),
Such as nukes and warfare agents,
He is trying to access Weapons of Total Annihilation(WTA).
That's right,
Osama and his Henchmen are trying to take over the CERN Particle Accelerator.
Terrorists are trying to hack into the LHC and intentionally create a micro black hole that will send all of humanity to allah's doorstep wear the infidels will be judged accordingly.

...

Ok,
That was only half true.
And the previous statement was also only half true.
Which makes the above story about %25 true.
And if you divide that by Pi squared,
That's about how much actually happened.

A group called "Greek Security Team" did it.
That's right, Greek.
Like Sparta.
CERN scientists suspect rival teams from other particle accelerators.
apparently, GST was only one level of networking away from the actually computer that controls the 17 mile proton smasher.
CERN says this whole thing is a "scary experience"
I tend to agree.
While I highly doubt that machine will create a black hole,
It will pump out substantial amounts off radiation.
And if not controlled properly,
The people that live above it could get cooked.
(Yes, there are residential areas above the LHC)

The GST timed their attack to go just as CERN powered up their 424.3 million Dollar behemoth.
They left several files on CERNs computers,
But only alter one original.
Damage appears to be minimal.
They also defaced CERN web page.
I would have put something a bit different.

Gates and Seinfeld

In case you have heard...
Bill Gates and Jerry Seinfeld are teaming up to combat the Mac adds staring PC and Mac.
(Which in my opinion are funny)
Supposedly,
Bill and Jerry are trying to show that Windows Vista is in fact usable.
So far,
All they've shown is that Bill can't dance.
Big Surprise there...

For those of you that missed it,
Here's a link to their first add.


Add 2

We Will Never Forget

We Will Never Forget

We will always remember the the victims of 9-11 and their families.

To the ones that were are responsible,
We will always remember you too.
But for other reasons.


Taliban Bodies

Homosapian Parasite Transformation

I'm convinced,
Welfare is making society stupid.
Seriously,
If people would take the energy they invest in getting something for free,
And use it in a more traditional productive way,
Maybe America's average IQ wouldn't be 98.

Take this person for example,
Instead of buying gas,
Or even bumming rides from friends,
This rather creative individual has made a device that will allow himself to use suction cups to literally "hitch" a ride on a random vehicle.
This person obviously does not spend much time on the roads himself.
Even if this is just designed for local traveling,
I wouldn't trust my life to a total stranger like that.

And safety concerns aside,
I'm self conscious enough without wearing an article of apperal that makes me look like the space shuttle.

CERN's LHC Particle Accelerator

Yup,
They turned it on today.
And we're all still here.
That's ok though,
They're still not at full power,
And they didn't even collide the particles.
They just turned on the beam.
When they do start colliding protons,
They still might make that black hole that will kill us all.

But until then,
Here's a copy of the first image they've generated for you to enjoy.

The CERN Particle Accelerator

As I'm sure most of you have heard,
CERN is scheduled to start powering up that shiny new particle accelerator on 10-SEP-2008.
As I'm sure you've also heard,
There is a teeny Tiny percentage of a chance that it'll create a micro black hole.
The scientists assure us that if that were to happen,
according to Hawkins theories,
It would evaporate nearly instantaneously.
So there's absolutely nothing to worry about.
Except for the fact that all that is based on an unproven and unobserved theory.
...
So,
Here's a preview of what's going to happen on Wednesday

Video

BTW: I don't actually believe that,
I already know how the world is going to end,
That's right,
I cheated,
I read the last chapter of the book.

Citation Needed

The world would be such a simpler place if there were more individuals like this one.

Orion ReEntry Vehicle Test

Nasa tested the Apollo style chutes on the Orion ReEntry Vehicle.
This is the thing that's supposed to take us back to the moon.

Video
I feel really confident.
And all Nasa had to say after this was,
"Good thing we tested it"

This Inventor Won't Need a Pattent

Because no one is going to try to copy it.